"Ke Teng"

In Setswana, a common question after the greeting of Dumella is “le kae”. The common response is “ke teng.” It means, quite literally “I’m here.” Now Setswana seems to be a bit of a rote learning process for me, in that the only things I’ve picked up have been repeated endlessly, or drilled into my brain through some crazy unknown force, or my feeble attempts at making jokes (o a fosa means, politely, “you’re lying”. I‘ve taken to using it to mean anything from “bullshit” to “no kidding,” and occasionally the proper translation of what I’m saying is “you, you’re lying.” It really throws people when I use it to describe someone else, and use it in the “you” form so it appears as though I’m saying “they, you’re lying”. What a mess.)

If I’m honest with myself (and via this blog, the entirety of the www exposed universe) it’s been a long time since I considered learning Setswana to be high on the priority list. I realized day one that I would never be fluent (when P asked during the first day of language training the difference between how to say light blue and light green, bless his heart, I knew it was quite nearly over for me) and although I’ve had some “come to Jesus” moments in which I got really fired up about learning it, I’m relatively ok with this inadequacy in myself (how’s that for personal growth and acceptance!). There are some exceptionally kind souls at the clinic who think they can burn the language into my head by speaking it nearly exclusively to me, which usually involves them speaking to me in Setswana, me translating what they’ve said to English, responding in English, and translating my response into broken Setswinglish. Out loud. I now understand why people are late for meetings here. Perhaps they are all teaching some idiot American Setswana. Oh, the patience they have! (which I subsequently doubt, like Setswana, that I will ever really learn).

But to depart from this language lesson (yeah, you’re welcome) the point of what I’m trying to say is that while I say the words that mean “I’m here” nearly a thousand times a day, they generally mean nothing. (And now where is she going?)

I’m here. I’ve finally come to accept it. I think the shock has worn nearly completely off into at least a mild bemusement. Things in general are less shocking, frightening, annoying, and tough to deal with. I laugh more. Yes- it’s occasionally still to avoid crying but it’s laughing nonetheless. Although Seronga and I are still engaged in what seems to be our never-ending battle of wills, it’s much friendlier, with me smiling out at the village and grinning “ha, you got me this time! Score one team you” when I am surprised by something I thought I knew. And I find myself pumping my fist much more gracefully and doing less end zone prancing on the days when I win. I find myself longing to get back to this place when I’m away for a while, and finally understand what Kagiso and Warona (the two PCV’s that served in Seronga before me) mean when they say they miss this place. Somewhere between lizards and losing sleep in the heat, this place became my home. And I love her…