The emotional Rollercoaster-from way back in December....

In all honesty, It has been tough to focus on the whole Peace Corps project with Jack leaving. Right now I am sitting in a cafe in Uptown with a somewhat spotty Internet connection, the Amilie soundtrack playing-why is it that all Internet cafes and coffee shops seem to have this trendy notion that the Amelie soundtrack gives them street cred amongst the "dirtier than thou" hippie/yuppie mix that resides in this area. I know the movie "will change your life" but the most memorable part for me was when she is getting laid and she still has that stupid cartoon smile on her face as her head nearly cracks on the headboard and an empty glass in front of me, the remnants of the chai I bought to justify my doddling on the free Internet drying onto the glass in front of me. Hunting and pecking on Jack's computer, working on my aspiration statement, which is similar to perhaps the cover letter to a resume, (I'm also working on the resume). Sometimes to get some creativity for this project I will look at the Botsblog postings, and it seems I always happen upon one that inspires me, and makes to me excited and nostalgic for things I've experienced, makes me crave to move forward, and makes me feel mixed up and tossed up. Tonight I happened upon a blog in which Heather, having been there nearly a year, or maybe a little more, is writing about her experience with a teenage girls empowerment group. It made me wistful for Woodland Hills and made me excited for what the possibilities in the future could be. The whole idea of using all that has been rotting away and rusting in my abilities is so exhilarating it almost brings me to tears...This experience is so crazy, so big, I'm crying about it one minute and laughing the next. It feels like a pregnancy, which I note is somewhat cliche' as nearly everyone who has a project of some magnitude compares it to a pregnancy, even calling it "my baby" here and there. The project gestates, it grows, it plays with your hormones, it makes you crazy... you love it, you speculate that you hate it, you're excited for it to being and yet the thought of entering a new phase with it both excites and terrifies you. It kicks you, you acquire new possessions to support it or make it more comfortable, or to protect it.